if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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