I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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