U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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