I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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