just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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