Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Bring me that man meat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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