that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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