Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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