on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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