You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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