ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize