I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize