New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
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I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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