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I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Randomize
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