I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize