$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
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He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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