turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize