I'm really into asian looking animals
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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