tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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