Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
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When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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