You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
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I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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