I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
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karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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