A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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