my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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