I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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