the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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