Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize