Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Drake has all the answers
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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