Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
false alarm, still single
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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