the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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