Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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