i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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