I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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