Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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