i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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