I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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