Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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