I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize