my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
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