i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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