Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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