Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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