you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize