i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize