Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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