On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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