im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
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I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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