I'm drive I can fine osifer
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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