Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize