mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize