I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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